Dulce et decorum est

Two months after leaving prison, I am well aware that my silence has concerned many.

I apologize for it.

I have spent the last two months finding out a lot about myself, and part of that process included me not trying to be the centre of my existence.

I have obviously failed there.

My brother sent me a message the other day insisting that I blog again, saying: “People paid good money to keep you in jail; they want to hear from you.”

I had to bite my tongue. But he is not wrong despite me thinking they spent their loot to keep me OUT of jail…

Actually I didn’t. Instead I meditated for 25 minutes and gave thanks for the six weeks of rehab I’ve just done.

But let’s go back.

No, lets go forward.

I’m in Phnom Penh. I’m free, and in about a week I’ll be flying to Zimbabwe to spend a month with my family there. After that, I’ll return to PP for three months before being legally allowed back into Bali.

Two months of freedom already. A life of freedom ahead.

In the last two months I have discovered that the tunnel I knew about at Kerobokan while I was there was actually usable. Literally and metaphorically.

In the last two months I learnt that my addictive behavior has been destructive to me and those I thought or pretended I loved.

It was a salutary lesson.

I learnt to breath. I learnt to meditate. I learnt to understand my own behavior.

But back to basics …

I can’t tell you how much fun I’ve had since leaving prison. I left Bali and flew to Bangkok and thanks to my ex-employers, Reuters, I was put up in the Hilton for three days while they evaluated my mental state. I really can’t thank Dean Yates enough for the work he put into getting me the care I needed, and I thank Reg and Sarah for making it possible.

I don’t think I left the hotel room for three days. I spent most of time in the shower, ordering steak and salad from room service. To be alone without anyone within farting distance was a gift.

Less than a week later I went to The Cabin, a rehab facility in Chiang Mai.

It was actually more punitive than Kerobokan, and certainly I was checked more thoroughly on arrival.

After two weeks I wanted to leave; after three weeks I signed on for another two weeks. I have a lot to say, and a lot to write. I’m here and well and thank you for all the love and support.

I’m just meditating, getting my thoughts together and sorting stuff out.

I’ll be back in days … literally, days.